Jokes For Kids

  1. When do kangaroos celebrate their birthdays? During leap year!

  2. Did you hear about the boy who kept stealing rhubarb? He was put into custardy

  3. Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything

  4. What do bees do if they want to catch public transport? Wait at a buzz stop

  5. What do you get if you cross a worm with a baby goat? A dirty kid

  6. What’s green and short and goes camping? A boy sprout

  7. Why was the glow-worm unhappy? Her children weren’t very bright

  8. How does a witch doctor ask a girl to dance? Voodoo like to dance with me?

  9. Why did the girl take a load of hay to bed with her? She wanted to feed her nightmare

  10. Why did the girl give cough syrup to the pony? Because someone told her it was a little horse.

  11. What’s the best way to catch a monkey? Climb a tree and act like a banana

  12. Why did the little boy keep running around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up with his sleep

  13. Knock Knock Who’s there? Abbott! Abbott who? Abbott time you opened this door!

  14. How do you make a potato puff? Chase it around the garden

  15. Danny, why did Sammy run through the screen door? Because he wanted to strain himself

  16. If mounties always get their man, what do postmen always get? Their mail

  17. Why are giraffes good friends to have? Because they stick their necks out for you

  18. What fur do we get from a tiger? As fur as possible

  19. What would you get if you crossed a teacher with a vampire? Lots of blood tests

  20. Be sure to go straight home after playing I can’t, I live around the corner

  21. What do you call a crazy chicken? A cuckoo cluck

  22. Doctor, Doctor, I can’t get to sleep! Sit on the edge of your bed and you’ll soon drop off

  23. What happened to the leopard who took four baths every day? Within a week he was spotless

  24. Why did the cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse

  25. Knock, Knock Who’s there? Caesar! Caesar who? Caesar quickly, before she gets away

  26. What happened when there was a fight in the fish and chip shop? Two fish got battered

  27. What the tomato say to the other one that was behind him? Ketchup!

  28. Duck: ´Do you have any lip gloss?´ Shopkeeper: ´Yes of course, will that be cash or card?´ Duck: ´Just put it on my bill.´

  29. What do you get if you cross Frankenstein with a hot dog? A Frankenfurterstein

  30. Do these stairs take you to the third floor? No, I’m afraid you have to walk

  31. What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo

  32. If you cross a witch’s cat and Father Christmas what do you get? Santa Claws

  33. What do lions say before they go out hunting for food? Let us prey

  34. Did you hear about the girl who got engaged and then found out her fiancé had a wooden leg? She broke it off, of course…

  35. What do you call an amorous insect? The love bug

  36. Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart? She had loved in vein

  37. What happened when the young wizard met the young witch? It was love at first fright

  38. How did the octopus couple walk down the street? Arm in arm, in arm, in arm, in arm, in arm, in arm, in arm…

  39. Why did Dora wear a wet shirt all day? Because the label said wash and wear

  40. What kind of sharks never eat women? Man-eating sharks

  41. What is a duck’s favorite TV show? The feather forecast

  42. Why was the man unhappy to win the prize for best costume at the Halloween party? Because he just came to pick up his wife

  43. A boy who had a broken arm asked his doctor, ´When you take off my cast, will I be able to play the drums?´ ´Of course you will´ said the doctor. ´That’s great, because I wasn’t able to play them before!´

  44. Why did the boy take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains

  45. …I’d tell you another joke about a boy and a pencil, but there’s no point.

  46. Mother, ´Who was that on the phone Billy?´ Billy, ´No one we knew. Just some man who said it was long distance to Australia, so I told him I already knew that.´

  47. Why is your brother always flying off the handle? Because he’s got a screw loose!

  48. That planet over there is Mars Well that other one must be Pa’s

  49. Neighbour, ´Why does your son jump up and down before taking his medicine?´ Mother, ´Because he read the label and it said “shake well before using”.´

  50. What’s a lion’s favorite food? Baked beings

  51. What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework? A fire-quacker

  52. What jam can’t you eat? A traffic jam

  53. What’s the hottest letter in the alphabet? It’s ´b´, because it makes oil boil

  54. Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller? He wanted to grow mashed potatoes

  55. What do Hungarian monsters eat? Ghoulash

  56. What should you take if a monster invites you to dinner? Someone who can’t run as fast as you!

  57. On which day do monsters eat people? Chewsday

  58. Who was the fastest runner in the whole world? Adam, because he was the first in the human race

  59. Did you hear about the student who said he couldn’t write an essay on goldfish for his homework, because he didn’t have any waterproof ink?

  60. Have you heard about the gym teacher who ran around exam rooms, hoping to jog students’ memories …Or, the craft teacher who had her pupils in stitches? …Or, the cooking teacher who thought Hamlet was an omelette with bacon?

  61. What sort of bird steals from banks? A robin

  62. Where do astronauts leave their spaceships? At parking meteors

  63. How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? You rock-et

  64. Why did Captain Kirk go into the ladies’ toilet? To boldly go where no man has been before

  65. What do you call a crazy spaceman? An astro-nut

  66. What do you call a magician in space? A flying sorcerer

  67. What holds the moon up? Moonbeams

  68. What part of a football ground smells the best? The scenter spot

  69. What job does Dracula have with the Transylvanian baseball team? He looks after the bats

  70. Why didn’t the dog want to play baseball? Because he was a boxer

  71. What is the biggest ant in the world? An eleph-ant What’s even bigger than that? A gi-ant

  72. What happened when the lion ate the comedian? He felt funny

  73. How does a lion say hi! to other animals? Please to eat you!

  74. What did the termite say when she saw that her friends had completely eaten a chair? Wooden you know it!

  75. What do you call an autobiography of a shark? A fishy story

  76. What sort of music is played in the jungle? Snake, rattle and roll

  77. What bird is always out of breath? A puffin

  78. What do you get when you cross a leopard with a watch dog? A terrified postman

  79. What birds steal the soap from your bath? Robber ducks

  80. What is a parrot’s favorite game? Hide and speak

  81. What do you get is you cross a frog with a small dog? A croaker spaniel

  82. What happens when ducks fly upside down? They quack up

  83. Why did the Wally team always lose the tug of war? They pushed…

  84. Did you hear about the Karate guy that joined the army? The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself

  85. What did the nutty photographer do? He saved burned out lightbulbs for his darkroom

  86. What do Italian monsters eat? Spookgetti

  87. What is a monsters favorite game? Hide and shriek

  88. Why did the monster comedian like playing to skeletons? Because he knew how to tickle their funny bones

  89. What do you call a monster who comes to collect your laundry? The undie-taker

  90. What’s another name for a clever duck? A wise quacker

  91. What happened to the male bee who fell in love? He got stuck on his honey.

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